I know I don't usually post about my personal feelings, but I needed an outlet. Kas is in Paris again this week, and when we spoke earlier (it's a 6 hour difference) he was telling me that he needs to go to Budapest before July. He's gone every week, I should get use to it, but it's tough being here alone all the time. His job is huge, so he works at least 12 hours a day. Every day. If I say anything or complain it stresses him out, so that's why I'm blogging. And on a really selfish note, my studio is NEVER going to get finished at this rate. There is NO way he has time to do the things I need done. I know I'm going to end up hiring someone to do it for me, but I don't even know how to explain what it is I need done. *sigh*
He tells me it WILL get better, that eventually he won't have to work as much, but I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know I should be thankful, and I really am, I'm very very thankful. I have a wonderful life-partner, I have many opportunities that many people don't have, I have great kids and great family. I don't have a high stress job because Kas is such a good provider and he wants me to stay home to take care of things that need taking care of.
I guess I'm realizing how short life is, and I don't want to piss it away waiting for him to stop working. I don't know where the balance is, or how to find it.
And most importantly, I don't want to whine to him about all of this when he's working his ass off, carting his suitcase from airport to airport. He tells me the traveling is very tiring, eating in restaurants every night, sleeping in hotels every night is wearing him out. He doesn't get to 'sight see', Paris is really nothing, because he's going from airport to hotel to office. I believe him. Sometimes I want to try his life for a bit, but I know he's right.
The only redeeming factor is that I ask him every week if he still loves his job and he says he does. He says it's the hardest thing he's ever done, but he loves it. As long as he's happy, there's some consolation.
Ok, time to put my big girl panties back on and keep on keeping on. Thanks for reading.
He tells me it WILL get better, that eventually he won't have to work as much, but I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know I should be thankful, and I really am, I'm very very thankful. I have a wonderful life-partner, I have many opportunities that many people don't have, I have great kids and great family. I don't have a high stress job because Kas is such a good provider and he wants me to stay home to take care of things that need taking care of.
I guess I'm realizing how short life is, and I don't want to piss it away waiting for him to stop working. I don't know where the balance is, or how to find it.
And most importantly, I don't want to whine to him about all of this when he's working his ass off, carting his suitcase from airport to airport. He tells me the traveling is very tiring, eating in restaurants every night, sleeping in hotels every night is wearing him out. He doesn't get to 'sight see', Paris is really nothing, because he's going from airport to hotel to office. I believe him. Sometimes I want to try his life for a bit, but I know he's right.
The only redeeming factor is that I ask him every week if he still loves his job and he says he does. He says it's the hardest thing he's ever done, but he loves it. As long as he's happy, there's some consolation.
Ok, time to put my big girl panties back on and keep on keeping on. Thanks for reading.
posted by KMR at 9:35 PM
8 Comments:
Balance, that elusive seven letter word we all seek... Venting is good, helps sometimes to put things in perspective... Better than sharing those thoughts with the husband!
thanks Pam :)
I am sure Kas loves what he does and he is good at it, too. I can't blame you for wanting to try it out for a bit - just go to all the cool places, eat out a lot and stay in hotels. It sounds like a dream but I bet it does get old. Still, you and I should try it out some time. :) Hang in there, my friend. Does this mean you aren't working at all now at that other place?
Well, we can come down and I CAN wire! (not the best at it!) Then we can insulate and put up the sheet rock. Did you figure out how you were laying the place out..like where is the bench going to be, where is the gas going to be, where is the heat going to be...etc. If you do that, then we can go from there. Let me know when you want to give it hell! Is Kas going to have some time off soon? You will have to share him, and we can come down and get something done. Best I can offer!!
Thanks Mom and Kathy.
Kathy, yeah, I work 3 days a week.
Mom - I think we may tackle the wiring this weekend, I'll let you know. I WILL need you!
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