Ponderings...kickboxing and being fat

I'm going to kickbox class again tonight. I have NO coordination, but I'm hoping if I persist, it'll come to me. When I went last week there were only 3 other people there (men) and then my daughter and the instructor. It was 'ok' to be the fattest, most out of shape person there. I'm afraid that there will be more people there tonight...maybe people that don't have tolerance for someone like me. I have to go though, I have to do this for me.

I've lost around 40 pounds this past year and a half. I've done it very slow. Sometimes I'm committed, sometimes I'm more lax. I've lost though and that's a great thing. This morning I went into my closet to find something to wear to work. I hated everything I tried on. Most shirts hung off me and looked ridiculous. Some shirts are too short and I hate my stomach hanging out. I wonder if there'll come a time when I'm comfortable in my skin.
I guess I'm having a bad esteem day today. I need to change my attitude and kick it into gear. This is my year and I'm going to rise out of the ashes and shine! Let's go!